How to Take Your Relationships to the Next Level with Hollywood Stars Rachele Brooke Smith & Emilio Palafox

The Longevity & Lifestyle podcast

The Longevity & Lifestyle podcast

The Longevity & Lifestyle podcast

Episode 162

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Performance coach, detail-loving educator, big-thinking entrepreneur, podcaster, mama, passionate adventurer, and health optimization activist here to help people transform their lives, and reach their highest potential! All rolled into one.

“At the core of everything you want to feel safe, seen, heard and loved and almost all the time you want to be understood” - Rachele Brooke Smith

We explore the vital role of relationships in our quest for a happier, longer life with the dynamic duo, Rachele Brook Smith and Emilio Palafox. Rachele, an actress and change-maker, harnesses the transformative power of movement and mindset in her online programs to teach resilience and emotional empowerment. Emilio, challenges societal norms and advocates for a proactive, holistic approach to life's challenges.

We delve into the essential practices for handling emotional triggers, the necessity of fun, and maintaining playful curiosity in our daily lives. We share invaluable insights and personal stories that shine a light on the importance of meaningful connections for well-being and longevity.

Strap in for a heartfelt and impactful conversation that will change the way you think about relationships and equip you with practical tips for a fuller, healthier life.

Don't miss this riveting discussion with Rachele and Emilio!

Tune in!




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Show Notes 

00:00 Understanding relationships reduces stress, slows the aging process.
10:42 Facilitating meaningful connections through small, regular actions.
11:33 Embrace chaos and find freedom in structure.
20:56 Encouraging play and wonder in our lives.
22:50 Quality relationships impact mental and physical health.
31:04 Tuning forks resonate frequencies linked to emotions.
36:42 Forget training, remember limitations in intense situations.
39:01 Open communication and growth in relationships.
45:14 Seeking healthy relationships, overcoming limiting mindsets.
52:07 Reflect on emotions, learn from childhood experiences.
58:51 Each person's journey is unique and empowering.
01:01:58 Relationships and technology advancing health and longevity.
01:04:51 Functional medicine doctor helps connect physical, mental health.
01:10:33 Traditional coaching, events, and new media approach.
Loneliness issue: 60% US, 80% under 18.
01:16:04 Support your wife by being present and supportive.

People mentioned


“Life is like the ocean there will always be waves and the good news is that you can always learn how to surf.” - Emilio Palafox

“Sitting is the new smoking” - Emilio Palafox

“At the core of everything you want to feel safe, seen, heard and loved and almost all the time you want to be understood” - Rachele Brooke Smith

“You dont stop doing things because you get older, you get older because you stop doing things” - Emilio Palafox

“As we move toward our dreams, we move towards divinity.” - Rachele Brooke Smith

Legal Disclaimer: Please note, to avoid any unnecessary headaches, Longevity & Lifestyle LLC owns the copyright in and to all content in and transcripts of The Longevity & Lifestyle Podcast, with all rights reserved, as well as the right of publicity. You are welcome to share parts of the transcript (up to 500 words) in other media (such as press articles, blogs, social media accounts, etc.) for non-commercial use which must also include attribution to “The Longevity & Lifestyle Podcast” with a link back to the URL. It is prohibited to use any portion of the podcast content, names or images for any commercial purposes in digital or non-digital outlets to promote you or another’s products or services.


Claudia von Boeselager: Welcome to another episode of the Longevity and Lifestyle Podcast. I'm your host, Claudia von Boeselager. I'm here to uncover the groundbreaking strategies, tools, and practices from the world's pioneering experts to help you live your best and reach your fullest potential. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast to always catch the latest episodes.

Legal Disclaimer: Please note, to avoid any unnecessary headaches, Longevity & Lifestyle LLC owns the copyright in and to all content in and transcripts of The Longevity & Lifestyle Podcast, with all rights reserved, as well as the right of publicity. You are welcome to share parts of the transcript (up to 500 words) in other media (such as press articles, blogs, social media accounts, etc.) for non-commercial use which must also include attribution to “The Longevity & Lifestyle Podcast” with a link back to the URL. It is prohibited to use any portion of the podcast content, names or images for any commercial purposes in digital or non-digital outlets to promote you or another’s products or services.


Claudia von Boeselager [00:00:00]:
My wonderful guests today are dear friends Rachel Brooksmith and Emilio Palafox. The dynamic duo behind relationship renegades, Emilio and Rachel are on a mission to redefine relationships. Drawing from their personal journey and insights. With over 30 years of combined experience as certified human potential and heart math coaches and extensive backgrounds in the entertainment industry, they bring a unique perspective to the table. Their passion for bridging the world of entertainment, wellness and relationships is paving the way for a future where healthy relationships, a key component for longevity, are the new standards. I'm so excited to welcome you both on today. Welcome, Emilio and Rachel.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:00:44]:
Thank you so much for having me.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:00:46]:
Yes, I'm so excited to have you on. And so for everybody listening and watching, we're going to discuss a few beautiful things that are very important for longevity and also share a bit about our new project that we're working on together, a new company, athenahealthspan. So make sure to stay tuned for that as well. But I'd love to start with your unique perspective, which I really love, about how you see relationships as one of the biggest biohacks and longevity secrets that few are talking about. Can you elaborate a bit on that and share what you think?

Emilio Palafox [00:01:19]:

Rachele Brook Smith [00:01:19]:
Oh, yeah.

Emilio Palafox [00:01:20]:
So much to say there.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:01:21]:
Yeah. So.

Emilio Palafox [00:01:24]:
You know, to kick it off. Right. There's. I'm happy that now more than ever, there's a lot of research in science that is talking about the importance of relationships. I think it's been kind of in the ether, like, yeah, of course, when you're healthy and happy and you have good, strong social support, I feel good. Right. Things are happening. But it's nice that the science and data are now there.

Emilio Palafox [00:01:42]:
For instance, there was an 80 year long Harvard study that revealed that good, healthy, happy relationships were actually the key to longevity. Even more important than money, fame, social class, IQ, et cetera, even genetics. And genetics. And so, you know, they went, it was the longest human study ever done. You know, they. They followed over time, hundreds of people, different generations over time, still doing it. And, you know, it was just, they thought in the very beginning, decade by decade, that it was going to be genetics and other things. And what they found out that it was time and time again, relationships, relationships, relationships.

Emilio Palafox [00:02:22]:
So it was really great on all the detailed analysis that they were able to study and provide and really start to tell people all over the world because, yeah, relationships are everything. The quality of our life is based on the quality of our relationships. And of course, it's our mission to help enhance those, to help people know how to create these healthy, happy relationships.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:02:46]:
And really, at least for me, it was like once I really started understanding this, you know, the science and the data and the research, it was helpful for my brain to make a flip. It was like a flip switch in my brain was like, oh, I've been prioritizing work and achievement and success over relationships, and I wonder why I feel so unfulfilled and unhappy. And when I really started shifting and also, honestly, pretty, like, sick quite often. And when I really started reprioritizing and actually putting relationships before other things and not just intimate relationships, but all relationships, you know, in the study, they talked about how it was really all, even the little things that you do throughout the day to create those meaningful connections, even with your Uber driver or your cash register or person or. Or a stranger on the street. Even, like, looking someone in the eye and saying, like, hi, how are you doing? You know, that. That actually had a physical effect biochemically on both your system as well as theirs, where these warm relationships were one of the best stress regulators that got our bodies out of a state of chronic stress and inflammation and back into a state of peace and ease. And in that state where you feel this harmony in your system, we're actually aging at a way slower state.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:04:07]:
So that to me was like, okay, I spend so much time, like, I'm just gonna focus more on connecting with humans in front of me that is.

Emilio Palafox [00:04:15]:
Free most of the time.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:04:16]:
So, anyways, I thought that was pretty cool.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:04:18]:
Yeah, no, absolutely love it. And the study started the year my father was born, so I'm easy for me to remember. 1938. So they even have participants in their nineties that are still going, which I think is really cool as well. And just on your point there, Rachel, I wonder, like, yes, you're saying, right. It helps to move into. Move away from stress into a more relaxed state, and it changes biochemically. But I wonder, because of that, being in that better state and feeling connected, does it allow more creativity, intuition? Like, what do you think is happening there that has such a positive impact? Maybe above and beyond just the physical?

Rachele Brook Smith [00:04:56]:
Yeah. Can I say something?

Emilio Palafox [00:04:58]:

Rachele Brook Smith [00:04:59]:
So I have a really fun story. And so I'm also. We're both in film and tv. I've been acting for most of my adult life, and I have this really funny story of I got flown out to Atlanta, and I was, like, on, like, the short list for a massive tv show. And this tv show would have been, like, a life changing role. And I was like, it was down to, like, the last few people so it was like me against a couple other people, and it was extremely nerve wracking, stressful, and let's just say it didn't go as I had hoped. And especially when you get flown across the country and put up in these fancy hotels and treated all this way, your mind starts to fantasize about how your life's gonna change and everything's gonna be different, and then when it doesn't happen, it's just, like, soul crushing. And so I remember getting in my uber to go back to.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:05:50]:
Back home, and I was just. I was so defeated. I was devastated, you know, just in this state of just, like, just. Just depression. And I got this idea because previous to this, I played a character who was this southern Belle character, and in this other film called cold moon, and so I was like, you know what? That character just made me feel so happy, and I just am in this uber, I just want to connect with this person, and I'm just gonna be that version of me that just brings me so much joy. And it was just a way for.

Emilio Palafox [00:06:21]:
Me to kind of snap out of it.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:06:22]:
Yeah, the southern belle character, it was a way for me to kind of snap out of this, like, state that I was in. Almost like a big pattern interrupt. And so the whole time in the uber ride, I just played Belinda. I played Belinda, and I was like, hey, how you doing? Yeah, that. You know, whatever. And for 30 minutes, I just connected with this uber driver in this fun, playful spirit. And I'm not kidding you, I got out of that uber, and I was like, I'm good. I'm fine.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:06:47]:
I'm happy. Like, and I felt so much just joy and peace and, like. Like you said this, you know, you meet those people and you have those meaningful connections. It does feel like this. And I'm fascinated by, especially when you meet like minded people, that feeling of just, like. It's like a spiritual feeling for me, honestly. And it's hard to describe, but it does feel pretty transcendent sometimes.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:07:10]:
Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Because I guess it gives you energy, right, when you connect with certain people, and you kind of. Your vibration increases as well, so, yeah, super, super fascinating. Did you want to say something, Amelia?

Emilio Palafox [00:07:21]:
I mean, I think it just goes back to, like, tribe mentality. Like, I. I think we're not meant to, like, live lonely lives and, like, you know, in our homes, crunching numbers, you know? And I have to work on that because I could become a workaholic just in my house, crunching away, work away, you know, and it's this challenge of mine that I'm constantly working through. But, you know, and it's times when I prioritize relationships because I know the importance of them. Practicing what we preach, of course, what the science and data says. And it's like, wow, of course. Of course. You know, I don't want to go to that event.

Emilio Palafox [00:07:50]:
No, I don't want to go and do this. I have to go and do this. But when I do, obviously, it's like, I'm so glad I did. I was able to like, and I end up meeting the person I needed to meet anyways. And I get fueled up by good friends, and it's also like, close relationship, these warm relationships. That's another thing that they talked about on the site, too, right? It's not just like many types of relationships right now. People have relationships that are sucking energy from them rather than giving them energy. And so, of course, there's a big conversation also around how to create warm relationships that, let's say, set your life on fire and help defend that flame, to live, to support, to love you.

Emilio Palafox [00:08:30]:
And those types of relationships, I think, really do fuel you up. And when you're fueled up full of love and they're loving and supporting you and seeing you and being present with you and making you feel safe, seen, heard, and loved and all these things that we talk about in relationship renegades, then, like you just said, right, your energy, your vibration is so high that you're magnetic to a lot of things and you feel good. So then you can make more calls and do the things that you want to. So I think sometimes we have it flipped, and I'm the first person to raise my hand on that as well, that it's, these are muscles, and I'm working my best to have big muscles there.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:09:09]:
I love that. So, I guess two points. One is a question that arises, and I'm sure people listening will also like, oh, but I'm so busy with work, or I'm so, like, how do you make time for relationships? I can't just go for coffees with my friends all the time or whatever it might be. So how do you guys decide between saying yes to that social component versus focusing on work and getting the things done towards your goals and what you're working on?

Rachele Brook Smith [00:09:35]:
Yeah, that's a great question. Yeah, I mean, what I think there's. I'll say a little bit. I think there's chapters in life, you know, I've had chapters in life where I literally had to have just. It was just, I had to say no to a lot of things because I had things that were super important to me that I had to focus on. And then I've also had chapters where I felt super depleted in that area. And I've just been like, I have to say yes to, like, it was like a yes challenge. So I think it's really, there are, there is no one size fits all, just like in longevity, you know, it's really about becoming a personal scientist for yourself and what works best for you at different chapters of life.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:10:10]:
But I do. I do really think about, we've talked before in different, you know, speeches that we give or conferences that we're at about this kind of concept of connection, fitness. And just like, you go to the gym to build physical muscles, having some sort of regular practice that you put yourself on that works for you and your unique lifestyle. Just to kind of check in, I don't know if people listening have seen, like, the life wheel or like, the life pie chart where you can kind of check in with all the different areas of life.

Emilio Palafox [00:10:40]:
I think really helpful to even just.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:10:42]:
Have that on a wall so you can kind of be looking at it sometimes and really just checking in about, like, what are small things I could do on a regular basis to create that meaningful connection? Because, again, even if you're busy working on things, even if it's like, okay, I know I'm in a chapter where I have to be super laser focused. Can I make. Can I make ten minutes for a meaningful phone call where I call up some person I haven't talked to in a while and say, hey, I have ten minutes. I was thinking about you. I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and let's chat for ten minutes if you got it, you know, something like that. Or if you're at the grocery store, the Starbucks, or whatever that you, or probably not the Starbucks, but, you know, a healthy spot that you are actually connecting with people, humans that are surrounding you and in front of you and checking with yourself of what chapter you're in. And is it time for more of a yes chapter, maybe because you feel maybe depleted in that area? So I think, yeah, and I'll just.

Emilio Palafox [00:11:33]:
Kind of answer that. You know, I think one of my favorite quotes is, life is like the ocean. There's always going to be waves. And the good news is, is that you can learn how to surf. And the reason why I bring that up is because, you know, the waves of entrepreneurship, the waves of financing, the ways of the waves of pandemic and family and chaos and all these things, like learning how to, I think people have this mentality of, like, when I finish this, then I'll do that. When this then comes in place, then I'll do that. And it's never going to be like that, right? Like, oh, once I finish my hundred to do list, then I'll be good. That thing keeps adding everything, you know, this learning to, like, dance with the chaos and just knowing that, like, hey, you know, so there's that, right? So then the way that I would then do it with that mindset in mind, right, is, to me, structure creates freedom.

Emilio Palafox [00:12:26]:
So on the calendar for me, and I can only speak for myself, I have to say, okay, look, Mondays for 2 hours, I've been wanting to do stand up. That's a creative release that I've been needing to have as a creative human. And I'm putting it aside and it's making me, on the back burner, feel a little sad. And it's just, it's depleting my energy subconsciously. And that's a whole other story. So I'm like, I'm going to do that for me because when I do that, I'm fueled up, and I know that every time I do, I am, and I could do the rest better and I could show up better. You know? Wednesdays, I want to go on a hike because I know nature is important. Even though I'm like, I got to drive there.

Emilio Palafox [00:12:59]:
I got to hike. It's like I could take calls while I'm up there. I can connect to myself so that I'm fueled up again. Right? Like, every Fridays, we've dedicated some hours to creating content, but in a comedy sketch, because we love to create comedy together. And I think, and then Saturdays is like, there needs to be a play component, and I think so that structure creates freedom. But then also in the chaos of life, again, another practice, I want to be able to just move with chaos. Like, hey, while I'm on the hike, of course I could text with this and that, and that's not what I want to do, but it's not like, oh, my gosh, like, I'm over here and I'm not able to put out a fire if need be. It's like, no.

Emilio Palafox [00:13:40]:
Like, I can be at different places and enjoy myself because I know. I just wish that we can change the conversation that those things. Like Rachel said, if you're going to jump on a phone call, it's not like, oh, I have to jump on a phone call, and I don't want to. It's like, you know that this is going to fuel you, and you need fuel. Like, we need fuel to do the things we need to. And if we're not taking care of ourselves, then the rest goes to bleep.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:14:06]:
100%. I love that analogy as well. And I think I'm a big fan of also scheduling it, too. And I've been, at times, really good of literally having all the different blocks for all the different things. And I think it's important to renew and recheck in on that, too, and put in that self care and that connection time. So I think that that's a really great tool. I know some people are, like, scheduling, like, oh, that's so, like, you know, how can you schedule a connection time or whatever? But you can, right? And you need to because life gets in the way otherwise, I guess, right?

Emilio Palafox [00:14:37]:

Claudia von Boeselager [00:14:38]:
Is there a framework for time for relationships that you'd say is like, a good measure that. That you recommend? Like, is it once a day, everyone should, you know, connect with somebody? Or, like, what is that frequency that you guys recommend?

Rachele Brook Smith [00:14:52]:
So I think this is really important, and this has been pretty game changing for me because we're talking about meaningful connections. Yeah, it's very much dependent, because, again, just like nutrition and lifestyle, no one size fits all. It's like, you really have to be like, what works for me, what feels good, and experiment and try. But I do think we're talking about meaningful connection. One of the most important connections you'll ever have is the one with yourself and to make sure and be prioritized. A lot of times it's hard to schedule with another person or a friend or whatever, but you can always take five to ten minutes. Hopefully you can. Otherwise, you really don't have a life.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:15:32]:
Otherwise, you definitely need to connect with you.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:15:37]:
And one of the best tools that I've found that has helped me exponentially in this way is something called morning pages. Really, they can be anytime pages, but they come from a book called Artist's Way that has been one of the most pivotal books in my life. And the whole book has many different tasks and exercises throughout it that's helping everyone understand that anytime we're being, that, we're all creators, we're creating our day, we're creating businesses, we're creating meals, we're creating conversations. It's all creativity. But if we don't ever connect with that inner artist or that aka your inner child, then we don't have that connection. And that's oftentimes when we feel super depleted or disconnected and things like that. And so with morning pages, it's just literally like a brain dump where you're getting everything out of your head and just onto the paper. They don't make sense.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:16:27]:
It's complete judgment free. Like, my morning pages or any time pages are wild. Like, wild. But I can't even tell you the connection that I feel with myself from really committing to do those and from that place of, like, deep, meaningful connection. One, a lot of the kind of spinning thoughts that I usually experience just aren't there anymore because I've gotten out onto the page. And then also I feel very filled up and connected internally with myself, and therefore, I have so much more energy and capacity to really be present with other people. And so I think it's super important. If there's one person to really make sure that you're connecting with on a daily basis, it's something with yourself, whether that's a breath work practice, meditation practice, a journaling practice, something like that.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:17:18]:
I just think that is the one thing that it's, like game changer, for sure.

Emilio Palafox [00:17:23]:
Can I say one thing on that real quick, given the connection to self, and even just like you said, is there a suggestion or a time limit? One of the things that we're actually about to come out with next week is this connection challenge. And there's variations of this connection challenge. The one that I like, because Rachel likes a different variation, the variation that I like is this three, three, three challenge. And so, especially for people that are extremely busy, there's going to be three minutes of movement, three minutes of breath work, and three minutes of eye gazing. So this, of course, is not only with yourself, connection with yourself, but, of course, your significant other. Of course, we deal with a lot of relationships. So the way that it looks like, look, we don't have a lot of time, but we have three minutes, three minutes and three minutes. So we can, you know, in between meetings, we like to do this very first start of the day to kind of really set the tone for the day.

Emilio Palafox [00:18:15]:
But it's, again, like, we can blast music and kind of dance and have a dance party. I could just do a quick, some push ups and squats, kind of do some qigongs and just shaking it out, jumping up and down. As we know, the issues are in the tissues. A lot of people aren't moving. A lot of people aren't releasing toxins with the lymphatic drainage. They're not jumping up and down and moving. Right. They're just sitting and sitting is the new smoking.

Emilio Palafox [00:18:38]:
And so. And so there's that movement for three minutes. Just get it out right? Get the energy out. And then the second thing, of course, is breath work. There's all different types of breath work out there. We like one. It's on YouTube. It's for free.

Emilio Palafox [00:18:51]:
It's called DMT, breathwork guided meditation. And there's variety of stuff that you can do in three minutes. They have, like, three alternating breath works that that's one of the many favorites. And then at the very end, we put some spiritual, some nice, relaxing music. We sit together in indian style, kind of holding each other, and we just look left eye to left eye. That's important. And we just sit there in silence. The left eye is the most receiving eye, and it's just sitting in silence, looking at your partner or looking at your friend or yourself in the mirror and just letting whatever happens be okay.

Emilio Palafox [00:19:30]:
And there's a lot of great information out there on that, and so much to be said on mental health with that and writing a book about it. And anyway, it's just nice to be able to connect with your body, your mind, your heart, each other. And for us, it's just one of our favorite things. And so we're actually gonna be doing a challenge next week. But, you know, one of those things, if there's, like, a prescription someone's needing, that could be something cool to try out.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:19:57]:
That's really cool. I love that. And even with self, as you were saying as well, right? Because how rare does one sit with oneself? I mean, we're in the distraction overload environment. And just to also chime in to what you were saying, rachel, as well, like, journaling, I found such a powerful practice I was doing. And I have the morning pages as well, which is beautiful. I was doing the five minute journal with, like, you know, just very short, like, bullet points and all the rest of it, too. But when you just say, like, even if you do half a page and it tends to be longer, it really gets a everything out of the mind.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:20:34]:
But you're connecting.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:20:35]:
You're listening to you, right? You're listening to yourself. And we're all about distraction otherwise. And, you know, external stimulus. But we need to be able to sit with ourselves, too. So I really, really like that you guys emphasize that, number one, start with self and, like, you know, be really working on you, because then you can give from the overflow right of the cup versus giving from empty 100%.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:20:56]:
And so much of that challenge, too. I think something that we're really passionate about, about helping people think about question how they operate. Is this concept of play, like, play and wonderment and curiosity and, you know, I just think it's very underrated in our society, this concept of, like, how, you know, when we're, when we come into this world, we are, all we want to do is play and create and explore and question things. And then, you know, you see it time and time again as people get older, they just lose that part of themselves and rightfully so. Like, our world is wild and life gets rough sometimes. And we get, like, beaten down and have lots of crazy experiences that maybe save us or block us from being able to access that part of us. But the more that we, in our own life, as well as with our community, our clients have helped them discover and, and heal and also, like, unleash that part of themselves. Man, it's so powerful because when we have this one life, tomorrow is not promised, and most of us are working so hard to achieve these things and we're forgetting to actually enjoy the experience of life.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:22:11]:
And again, when you really understand, hey, I'm spending all this money on anti aging supplements and whatnot, but I'm never allowing myself to live in this state of play and fun where when I do that, especially in connection with other humans, it's like one of the best anti aging supplements that you could get, you know, but we're so wired to think that it needs to be a pill or a technology or something. And so just inviting people to really.

Emilio Palafox [00:22:39]:
Like, when was the last time you.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:22:40]:
Let yourself have fun, like, on a regular basis? And what does that look like for you? Is that, is that dancing? Is that painting? Is that gardening? Is that, is that hiking? Like, is it rollerblading with self or.

Emilio Palafox [00:22:50]:
Your significant other friends or friends? And going back to science and the research on this Stuff, the people that had relationships that they were satisfied in, in their marriages, let's say, at age 50, were the ones that were healthier at age 80. And people who are 80 plus, the ones that were happy with the relationships at age 80, the days that they had physical pain, their moods didn't alter is what they found out, right? And the people that were not happy in their relationships at age 80, they would suffer both the physical pain and the emotional pain. And by having these close relationships, right. It's not just like, oh, you know, for all the reasons we mentioned, but going back to the science and what they've studied over the longest human study ever done was it really helped with mental deterioration over time? It delayed the mental and physical decline that it's not just like, oh, great, friendships are great. It's like to self significant or friendships like they're doing things to protect our mental health, to protect our brain, to protect all the different things we have in their body, all the various systems in the body. And we're big believers on not just in relationships, not attacking the symptoms. Let's say it's really going to the root cause because a lot of times, just point blank, if we don't take care of our childhood traumas, they're going to show up in all of our relationships over and over and over again. And you're going to keep having to repeat the same test.

Emilio Palafox [00:24:32]:
And until you pass the test, then you can kind of excel or ascend to the next level. But we're really about going to the root cause, ripping out the roots that didn't serve us anymore and pouring back all the love, all the resources, all the things physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, all these things that were needed as humans, spiritually as well. But I think there's something to be said there a lot of times in relationships people can do things at a very surface level. And yeah, they work for a little bit of time, but there's still some things underneath that are not getting addressed. And if they don't get addressed, they're just going to keep showing up. Just the same thing with fixing the root cause of an illness, 100%.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:25:11]:
And I'd love to dig into that because I think it's so fundamentally important for all things in relationships and in general with health. A lot of it is, I believe physical symptoms are actually, if you look at what emotionally is going on as well, there is a lot of correlation. So what are some modalities you've seen, tried, seen other people use and that you recommend for a, I guess generating the awareness that there is maybe trauma because some people are so like, oh, no, everything is fine. Like the house is burning behind, but no, everything's fine. So one is the awareness and then two is, you know, working through that somewhat uncomfortable. Right, trauma in order to move up to that next level to pass the test, as you were saying.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:25:59]:
Oh, yeah, I have some things I'd love to kick us off with. I mean, first and foremost, this just came to me because I'm really fascinated by any time we're in judgment, especially a strong judgment about anything and just humans in general. Like, we're always making judgments or assumptions or stories about anything and everything. It's just part of how we're wired.

Emilio Palafox [00:26:24]:
But I would say if you're like.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:26:27]:
Oh, everything's fine, I'm good. But you're stuck in a lot of judgments all the time. I think that's a huge indicator that, like, hey, something is going on. Because if I'll just say this, I'm very aware that when I'm looking at other women and I'm very critical of maybe how they look or how they are, I know that's a direct part of me. Like, that's a direct reflection of me, that something inside of me is not healed yet or needs a little bit more love. Because maybe I worked on it for a while, but I need to go back to it, especially in the world that we live in, that is so about physical and beauty and all that kind of stuff. And especially for me, growing up in a home where it really was about a lot of physical appearance. And so anyways, I kind of share that story of anytime I'm in allotted judgment about anything, I'm like, oh, okay.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:27:12]:
There's a, like, it's like a. Or even like heightened emotion. If you're super angry about something, you're sad about something, it's just emotions are indicators. It's like when your oil or your oil light or your gas light goes off in your car, I think a lot of people fear emotions. They don't feel very good, especially uncomfortable emotions. But I'd love to invite people to just think about it as those indicators. And if your gaslight never went off and you're driving and you all of a sudden your car just stopped and you had no idea what's going on, you'd be pissed. You'd be like, what? What? Like, that's the same thing that's going on in our body when we have these emotional indicators.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:27:49]:
So I think that's kind of two judgments and emotions. And then I think what's been really powerful for me and a lot of people I've shared this with is especially in the longevity biohacking communities. I think most of us know how great cold plunges can be for all different kinds of longevity reasons. Whenever you get triggered, think about a trigger as you're just, if you lean into, if you choose to lean into that trigger and, like, really, like, unpack it and try and learn from it and heal from it, it's just like jumping into a cold plunge. In a cold plunge, you are uncomfortable. Like, it sucks for a minute. It does not feel good. But if you can stay in it for that three minutes or whatever your goal is, you get out, and you have this blissful high for hours after.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:28:40]:
And most of the time, at least in my life, my whole day feels a lot. My mood is just better. So I see triggers as this, like, emotional cold plunge to get into. And so whenever I feel it, whenever I feel, like, all this trigger, I don't want to deal with. I just want to push it away. I want to suppress it, I'm like, no, I know that if I feel it, allow it. Like, if I'm in it and I'm, like, journaling about it, or I'm questioning it, or I'm going through whatever process works for you. But that first step is to jump in, because the immediate reaction is to either run away or to not handle it.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:29:13]:
So to jump in and to know that if you just jump in and really seek to understand, which is one of our main themes at relationship renegades, that it will always lead to this blissful connection, like, on a whole other level that maybe you never even experienced before.

Emilio Palafox [00:29:31]:
And that's kind of one of our big themes, too, is triggers. And we see triggers as gifts, as Rachel would say, wrapped in really ugly wrapping paper. But there are some of the best things that, because that's the start of it, we're constantly getting triggered on a daily basis, whether it be consciously or subconsciously. And a lot of times, it's just subconscious in the background. Given that we're on this podcast, according to the Academy of Brain based leadership, we process information two different ways, our conscious and unconscious mind. And according to them, our brains, process 11 million bits of information per second. And out of that 11 million bits of information per second, our non conscious mind, our subconscious processes. I'm sorry.

Emilio Palafox [00:30:19]:
Our conscious mind, out of that processes only 40 bits. That's it, right? Like, the rest is the subconscious mind. The unconscious mind. So we're constantly in this fight or flight, we're constantly in emergency mode, and we're constantly getting triggered, whether we know it or not. And I'd love to really bring in, when we've talked about energies and frequencies here and really bringing that to light even more here, especially with this analogy, because the first thing is awareness, right? And then we can drop deeper. So, have you played around with tuning forks, Claudia?

Claudia von Boeselager [00:30:53]:
Um, have I come across them? I haven't, like, really extensively, but I know a little bit. Like, I've had friends that were using them a bit, but maybe you can share.

Emilio Palafox [00:31:04]:
Well, for those that haven't played around with tuning forks that are listening or don't know what tuning forks are, they look like a little metal fork. And when you strike them, there's a resonance that comes about. There's a frequency that emits, and there's so many different frequencies there for a lot of different tuning forks. Now, the reason why I bring this up is that if you imagine, for those listening, a filing cabinet inside your body for a moment, and anytime that you had a traumatic event, anytime you didn't feel safe, seen, hurt or loved, anytime that you had the perception of a loss of control in your life, any of these moments just picture you acquiring a tuning fork. Maybe there was a time that I didn't feel good enough tuning fork. Maybe there's a time where I didn't feel like I had enough tuning fork. Right? And so imagine over since you were kid to present day, you have all these tuning forks in that filing cabinet that is inside you. Now.

Emilio Palafox [00:31:56]:
Why am I bringing this up? Well, you know, we're a relationship renegades, right? So in my past, relationships that I had that were very toxic, both for myself and that other person, because it takes two to tango, there were times where we got in extreme fights all the time. And to just make a long story short, I had a tuning fork that I wasn't good enough. It's a very universal, ego centered mindset. And my other significant partner at the time also had one. I didn't know this at the time. It's in the background, and I might have said something like, hey, babe, I just got a promotion and this and this and that. And during this relationship, I was paying for a lot of the stuff. I was doing a lot of things for relationship, and I didn't know that she didn't feel good enough at the time.

Emilio Palafox [00:32:40]:
But I would say, I did this, I'm doing this, and I wanted to share that because I'm doing this for the relationship. Like, babe, we get to do this. And it was something good for. She didn't see like that. Subconsciously, she would be like, so I'm like, what? It was shocking to me. You're not happy? Like, what is going on? And then this fight started, right? And the reason I'm bringing up just a simple example is, well, when I said that, it triggered her. I'm not good enough via tuning fork. So that tuning fork is vibrating, because that tuning fork is vibrating it.

Emilio Palafox [00:33:15]:
I have that tuning fork as well. So mine is starting to vibrate. And so all of a sudden, we have what's called the law of resonance. So we both have that tuning fork. And so those who haven't play around with tuning forks. If I have tuning forks a, b and c in this room and in the other room, there's tuning forks a, b and c in that room. If I strike tuning fork a right here and it's vibrating and everyone can see it automatically, just in the relationship. Example, tuning fork a is vibrating in that room.

Emilio Palafox [00:33:47]:
No one's touching it. Just automatically started. And so we have these things going on within us all the time. And the beautiful part, though, is that when you do the work, when you go to the root cause like we were talking about, that healing is like removing a tuning fork. And so when that thing, when that situation, that exact same situation happens, let's say, in the future, and I no longer have that tuning fork, it doesn't resonate. And I'm like, I'm good right now. And then I have a higher plane of view where I'm like, maybe seek compassion and empathy for this person. Cause this person's trying to hurt me and hurt people.

Emilio Palafox [00:34:23]:
Hurt people. Something may be going on there. Maybe I can send some love. Maybe I can show up in a different way and be the love, hence the surname. And so anyway, I think awareness is key. And of course, yes, there's a lot of product, services, technologies, mindsets, groups that can really help to remove those roots and those tuning forks.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:34:44]:
Yeah, beautiful. Well, both of what you said there, there's a lot of gold in that, too. And so what I've also seen a bit is to see an emotion that comes up, something that triggers you as, as gold almost to be grateful for it, because it's like, ooh, it's an opportunity for growth. Like, that's something that, like, it shouldn't trigger me. And I spoke to a spiritual teacher once who was like, you know, it should. Things should essentially be almost like a water off a duck's back. Like, they shouldn't bother you. You should just be like, oh, that person's not having a good day, or whatever it is as well.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:35:13]:
But as soon as that triggers you, it's like, oh, I've got work to do.

Emilio Palafox [00:35:17]:
Yeah, totally.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:35:18]:
Get that journal out again and be.

Emilio Palafox [00:35:20]:
Like, let me work through this cold plunge.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:35:24]:
Jump in.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:35:25]:
And I love the analogy of the cold plunge as well. Yeah. And just so you know, to have some science behind it as well, there's a dopamine effect that happens from the cold plunge of up to 500% higher than a normal dopamine response over a prolonged period of time. So, I mean, that's that euphoria, right? And for people with, like, adhd and things like that, that have the dopamine triggers, like, just keeps you up and gets you up and keeps you up there for much longer.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:35:53]:
So hopefully. Yeah. That science is also, like, more stronger levels than even, like, a cocaine. You know, if you were to do cocaine, but instead of going high and then crashing, it would stay high. And it stays high for quite a bit of time.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:36:05]:
Yeah, longer.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:36:06]:
Yeah, it's really cool. And side note on that, the trigger sketch we have, if anybody wants to be entertained, we have a really funny comedy sketch that we've seen, as we're always trying to create edutainment to teach these principles and relationships, but do it in a really fun way. And so, you know, in our keynote speech online, and we're just on social media, we do these little comedy sketches. And Emilio plays my trigger translator, and so he plays character called it's a very latin lover.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:36:39]:
I love it. We'll have to link it in the show notes. So if you guys share the link.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:36:42]:
And then we'll remember your training, usually, because I don't. Don't remember our training in the moment, because, again, we get triggered, there is a rush of adrenaline that floods through our whole body. And whenever you do feel triggered, just remember also that you are blind, deaf, and dumb. And so I just remind myself of that. When you're, you know, you start yelling at each other and whatnot, you're like, why can't we just hear each other? And this is getting silly. Like, it doesn't even make any sense what's happening right now. And that part of you knows it, but if you continue to just, like, need fire to fire, just know that it's coming from this place of you cannot hear each other. You really can't see the actuality of what's going on.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:37:19]:
You're only in your story, your reality, and you really.

Emilio Palafox [00:37:22]:
You can't.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:37:23]:
It's just blind, deaf, and dumb. And so, you know, figuring out what works for you in any given situation and learning how to communicate your needs and your boundaries in those spaces is so, so important. For example, I've learned that most of the time, I need some space. Like, when I feel that rush of adrenaline emotion, I need to go, like, go on a walk or, like, hit a bag or go, like, dance my face off for a minute just to, like, get that stuff out. And it usually takes about 20 minutes. And then after about 20 minutes, that rush of adrenaline usually dissipates. And so a lot of times I ask for if it's getting superheated, I know. I'm like, we're not able to navigate it in that space.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:38:06]:
I say, hey, I communicate that. But the hard thing is a lot of people, like, they'll just, like, run away, and then the other person is.

Emilio Palafox [00:38:14]:
Like, oh, they don't care.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:38:15]:
But then they create more stories of, like, I don't care about me. Like, this is, you know, whatever.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:38:20]:
They're leaving again.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:38:21]:

Claudia von Boeselager [00:38:21]:

Rachele Brook Smith [00:38:23]:
Abandonment issues come up and all. So I think also physical touch and eye contact is also pretty important for a lot of different reasons. But if you can, like, go up to the person, depending on how this is intimate or not or kind of things, but being able to, like, in a very, like, take a deep breath and communicate what you might need in that moment, and it could look like, hey, I feel super triggered right now. And I realize that I'm not acting from the best version of myself. So, like, I need to take some space, and then I love to come back and revisit this, you know, as soon as we both feel ready. Something like that is game changer.

Emilio Palafox [00:39:01]:
And I think also just in the communication, I think what really has helped a lot of our clients over time and, of course, ourselves, for sure, as we continue to grow through life together and work on things together, because, you know, we're students for life, we'll continue to empty the cup and have a beginner's mind so that we can show it better for ourselves and our families is this. You know, we know that both of us have, and this is Richard Rohr's literature, but this true self, higher self and false self, ego self, people within us. And so Rachel knows my true higher self, who I really am, and I the same with Rachel, but we know that we both have ego, false selves. And so when there is a trigger happening or there's something that's about to come into an argument because of the work, you can spot it faster, become aware of it, and communicate. And the way that we communicate is this. I can say something like, babe, my false ego self right now is, like, really activated right now. Like, I want to take it away from me. So I'll even visually and present, like, something in front of me visually, and I'll say, like, the story.

Emilio Palafox [00:40:16]:
Like, I'm creating a story about x, y, and z. And because of that story, like, my ego wants to stick to that story. And there's these thoughts, feelings, emotions rising from that story. And I get to take it out here not only for me to observe it and talk about it, but for her to talk because it's not us. I'm taking it outside of me because it's not us. And I'm like, my ego self is filling this, and it's this, and it's creating these stories because that's all it ever is. And she can. Because we're not mind readers.

Emilio Palafox [00:40:49]:
And I think sometimes we can think that we're mind readers. And I'm like, I always. Even though I think she knows what was going on, I don't assume that I'm saying this is what's going on in me. Isn't that crazy? She's like, yeah, that is kind of crazy. I didn't know that you were thinking that. Right. We're able to kind of look at it and play around with this mold over here of a story. And also, we have a game that we play.

Emilio Palafox [00:41:11]:
We try to really trick the ego, this false self and the way that we trick it, because the ego wants to win. Right? The win, yeah, in a beautiful way. And it works. I would say nine times out of ten is just owning your stuff. And the fastest, whoever can own their stuff the fastest, wins. And so, like, you know, so let's say she's got to go out. I'm like, oh. It's like, you know, at first, maybe it started off for an hour or maybe hours, then it turns into minutes, then it turns into seconds.

Emilio Palafox [00:41:47]:
Could you get better and better about this? Everything's a muscle. But, you know, let's say I'm like, okay, babe. Okay, you know what? I'm sorry. I I was being passive aggressive back there. I don't know if you noticed, but I was like, I just. I'm just going through a storm right now, and I just, like, I just didn't want to talk about it or, you know, like, I did that thing. Yes, I said it. You know.

Emilio Palafox [00:42:11]:
Yes, I was thinking that I actually was, you know, and it sucks that I did that. But, you know, and then, of course, immediately, you know, like, immediately it's like walls down, and she's like, I can't believe you just said that. Like, you're so amazing. I love you so much. Like, thank you for really seeing my side, because I really do want to see her side, and vice versa, what she would do for me. But it's kind of an interesting ego play trick there, because I want in the game, but I really want in our relationship. Our relationship. And it's just this kind of beautiful.

Emilio Palafox [00:42:43]:
And when one rises up, the other one comes up, and so we just really try to practice that and again, these are things that are hitting the core of stuff. Of course, there's deeper and deeper levels, obviously, if there's really something going on, and we can see if we need to do that by ourselves, together in a group, with friends, with a professional, etcetera. But I think, you know, on the day to day, there's ways to communicate, there's ways to play games. Being back to that playful energy. Anyway, I couldn't. I feel like I needed to share that.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:43:13]:
Yeah, no, beautiful tools. And thank you so much for sharing. And I guess the word vulnerability kind of came in when you kind of own it, right? And I. It's fun to make it like a game. Like, yeah, how can I?

Emilio Palafox [00:43:24]:
Why not, right?

Rachele Brook Smith [00:43:25]:
I can't tell you how powerful it is. Like, it is wild when you're in heated conversation with someone, and if you step away or even in the moment, whatever, when you get. When either party owns their stuff, like, it, like, when he said it, just all of a sudden, all this energy just, like, dissipates and you feel this connection. Like, every time, whenever he does that, I'm always like, I literally feel like I just fell in love with you all over again. Because it's this deep feeling of, you know, at the core of everything where you want to feel safe, seen, heard, and loved. And most of the time, our. We're so badly wanting to be understood by other people. Why didn't they just understand me? Why can't they just understand me? But the whole concept, you know, it's like, be the love or be the change you want to see.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:44:13]:
The real thing is that you have to, if you want to be understood first, try to understand. And so when you really try to understand, you own that. All of a sudden, the other person just feels like, wow, they really understood me. Okay. I really want to understand them now. And it's just.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:44:28]:
It's pretty magical.

Emilio Palafox [00:44:30]:
Yeah. But again, it does get stronger, and you can cut it quicker. Like, you can. And I think that's a big part of relationship renegades, is that we're renegades for a reason. We're rebelling against the societal norm. Right. We're rebelling against what people think about relationships. We're rebelling about what people think about what marriages were.

Emilio Palafox [00:44:52]:
Kids. Right. There's just a story in the collective consciousness that, oh, yeah, marriage equals XYZ. Oh, yeah, you got kids? You can't travel. No, there's just about everything. And I think, like, why can't we really excel to the next level? Whereas beginning when people said we're going to fly in the sky all over the world. That's impossible. Well, it's possible.

Emilio Palafox [00:45:14]:
Hey, we're going to go to the moon, we're going to go to Mars, we're going to have this computer to talk all over the world. That's impossible. What's impossible in relationships right now? In people listening's mindsets? Like what? What do you think relationships right now? Are they hard? Are they, you know, you're never going to find the one. Like what is the story that you have in your minds right now? And how can we shift that? Because there's another portal, there's another dimension that exists and there are healthy, conscious relationships in their fifties, their sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties, 100s, that they're finding love at those times. They're finding the best moments of their life. They're finding, they're creating and being playful as a kid. And, you know, I'll end with, you know, they, there's this thing that we love this quote, right? It's like you don't stop doing things because you get older. You get older because you stop doing things.

Emilio Palafox [00:46:03]:
You stop being a kid, you stop playing like there, you know, it's, I can't share that enough. So I just, I think it's important. All of that's important. I just wanted to share that.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:46:15]:
No love that and yes to play. And I'm curious for shifting those mindsets and those stories that we tell ourselves. Like, is there a certain practice that you recommend to people to write down what is a narrative they currently have and then how to switch that? And then in general, I wanted to also ask as well, do you have a playbook where you, I don't want to stack questions, but if you, we can otherwise go back. But what you mentioned before, Rachel, well, like, when you're in the moment, you need to go for a walk, 20 minutes. So like how do you lay ground rules so that it's not in the heated moment that you have to try to remember what your rule was, but instead communicate it in advance? What do you recommend there?

Rachele Brook Smith [00:46:57]:
100%? I think we use something we should call code words. You can call whatever you want, but I do think it's important to in any relationship if you start to know what works for you or doesn't work for you. Having those, like, it was like, okay, this is happening. Code red. Because if you have the conversation ahead of time and you're like, I'm trying to think of something for me. If I'm communicating like, hey, I really don't do well in this situation or this happens. This is what I feel like in situation x. Then, rather than having to go through the whole conversation again, having those little code words that you can say to each other where you get it instantaneously, especially with busy lives, I think that's super helpful.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:47:38]:
And so kind of, you know, having those different code words is really special. You know, I definitely think that, I mean, we do have an online program that we worked on for a long, long time, that we go through a bunch of different modules and tools and different tips, tricks and resources for people, which I think is really, really like, kind of like our playbook. This is on our website, and you can, you can find it.

Emilio Palafox [00:48:03]:
Yeah, it's called the higher. Yeah, it's called the Higher Love program. And yeah, we've heard, we've had so many great testimonials on that that we're really grateful for. One of the things that I talk about there that I'm all about, practical tips. Like something that someone's driving in their car at the end of this podcast, they can, like, walk outside of their car, go to their meeting, they get triggered. They know what to do, creating that greater awareness on how to communicate with friends, business, whoever it may be. And so it's a three step, quick, practical tool. Beautiful.

Emilio Palafox [00:48:33]:
When. Let's go back to triggers, because if you get triggered in relationship or whatever it was, Juan Pablo, my trigger translator himself, talks to Rachel, talks about this training she needs to have. And the first one is to smile. First step is to smile. Why are we smiling? Because it's the easiest and quickest thing to do if you're driving or wherever you're at. Right. Regardless, it's now fake or whatever. It's.

Emilio Palafox [00:48:56]:
It's a pattern interrupt. Whatever story is going on in your mind, whatever trigger is happening, whatever the situation, the quickest pattern interrupt is to smile. And there's a lot of biological and neurological things that happen when you're smiling over time, kind of tricking the body a little bit, but pattern interrupt, most importantly, and there's a lot more, but I'll leave it there. So that's the first step. Second step is internally, or if you're by yourself, you can say this out loud, is there's me doing it again. And the more specific, the better. Right? Like, there's me reacting again, there's me being passive aggressive. There's me not wanting to understand another person.

Emilio Palafox [00:49:39]:
There's me judging this person in front of me, whatever it may be, and it's not that you're judging yourself by saying this. It's just, this is getting yourself an observer mode. You're taking the situation outside, and these are the reps. Oh, there's me doing it. Oh, there's me doing. Look at myself. Wow. Interesting.

Emilio Palafox [00:49:54]:
Now, the smile is also about loving kindness as well, because you don't want to beat yourself up when you're, you know, going through these things. That's the worst thing you can do. It's a downward spiral. So smiling is really also giving yourself loving kindness for the journey of healing and growing. So you're smiling. Quick, smile. There's me doing it again, more specific, the better. Then the third is to welcome whatever emotions that are happening inside of us.

Emilio Palafox [00:50:22]:
Right. As humans, the number one human impediment is that we live in the head. In our heads with stories in the past, which is depression, in the future, which is anxiety. Never in the present moment, right? We know that more than ever now. And so if we create a story, and what humans do is we fuse to that story. Yep, yep. No, no, no. This is what's happening.

Emilio Palafox [00:50:42]:
I know it. Oh, I know it.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:50:43]:
That's neat.

Emilio Palafox [00:50:44]:
Before, this is exactly what's happening, what we fuse to that story. Emotions arise from that story. And the next thing you know, we've created our own suffering. Okay? Us. We did that. Man in the mirror, woman in the mirror, right? And so by identifying, like, man. I am so angry right now. But the key here is that most of us will hide, suppress, deny, distract ourselves from the emotions.

Emilio Palafox [00:51:06]:
We don't want to feel it. The beautiful part is, is that when you welcome it, as Juan Pablo would say, you know, you go to the door of, let's say, anger. You're like, anger. Come on in. Welcome. Welcome to the party. You want a cup of coffee with some mushrooms and some oil in there? Come on and sit down. I'm glad you're here.

Emilio Palafox [00:51:22]:
Like, we're seeing, like, emotion, anger, let's say, I'm glad you're here, because it's not good or bad. It's just data, it's just energy. And when you're just sitting with it, like, hey, I'm glad you're here, man. You know, like, I honor and respect you. I love you, man. And you'll know that anger doesn't want to be there anymore because you're like, you want him now I'm here. It's like, nah, I don't want to be here anymore. And it will dissipate.

Emilio Palafox [00:51:46]:
He will go away. And when you sit there, the storm will pass like all storms do, and then you're able to breathe and reset and continue. So smile. There's me doing it again. And welcome. Whatever emotion, because it's just data, it's just energy, and then you can become more and more an optimal being for yourself and others.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:52:07]:
And I like to add, like a bonus step. I really think it's powerful to talk to that emotion and say, like, what are you trying to teach me? Because all emotions, like I said, are just data. They're there to show us something. And if we don't, and even when you're, you know, if you, if you can, whether it's just asking in your head or I can, journaling about it is so powerful. But yeah, what are you trying to teach me? And oftentimes, especially if you let yourself just like, free write about it, you'll find some stuff that you're like, what? Like, where did that come from? I had no idea that was even there. And it usually goes back to something when you were like six or eight years old. So, yeah, there's just so much stuff that's so, all those tuning forks are so covered up and layered down. And it's just, it's so empowering, though, because I think oftentimes we give away our power when we step into kind of this victim mentality and it's so easy to do so.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:53:04]:
But when you really start playing with some of these tools and you realize how, man, it's just, it's so empowering. Like, we each have the power to change, change the story. And when you talked about, like, how do you cultivate that belief? How do you, if you have these very strong stories about what's possible for you or not possible for you. I'm really big. I actually did a video talking about the five ways to cultivate belief. Because whether your beliefs about relationships or career or dream or whatever, it all comes down to who you believe you are, what you believe you're capable of, what you believe you're worthy of, and why. I'm always empowering people to question your beliefs about any of those questions. What are your answers to those questions? And if you find that you're like, well, it's never going to happen for me, and I'm not as lucky as them or I'm not as pretty or talented or whatever, really, like, really dig into why you think that.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:54:03]:
Where did that come from? Oftentimes those beliefs aren't even our own. They're beliefs that got kind of passed down to us from parents, teachers, friends from their own doubts and fears. And so I think really questioning those beliefs and then also filling your mind with other stories about how other people have done it against all odds, because there are those stories out there. And we live in this amazing time when literally, you google search anything and you can find a bunch of stories or videos or data about anything which never used to be possible before. So it's pretty amazing. But oftentimes, we're not intentional about what we're really searching for. And so when you're in those states of doubt or defeat and you're starting to try and question those stories that you believe about what you're capable of or not fill your mind with other people's stories. I mean, that's why I love movies so much.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:54:55]:
Movies and those kinds of stories or books, you know, are. Can be so life changing. And I just know different times when I felt so defeated because something didn't happen that I really wanted to happen. And then I watched a movie or I watched several YouTube videos of talking about how, you know, they didn't get the. They didn't get the funding they wanted, or they didn't get the relationship they thought that they wanted, or they went through a terrible divorce or whatever, but then through kind of stepping into the hero of their own story, they were able to find their absolute, like, love of their life at, you know, ten years later or whatever, or they got the billion dollar business 20 years later. You know, it's just this. There is a constant pattern of people who do continue to believe, regardless of circumstance, who continue to just decide. Like, this is, I have these dreams and desires in me for a reason.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:55:46]:
And one of my favorite quotes is that as we move towards our dreams, we move towards our divinity. And I think the more we constantly, it's just our brains are supercomputers. Whatever we fill it with, it will start to. It'll start to kind of create that reality around. So be very intentional about. About the stories you're listening to, the things you're watching, the music that you're listening to, the people you're surrounding yourself with, because it will all create this reality. And either which way for kind of disempowerment or for, like, crazy expansion, well.

Emilio Palafox [00:56:19]:
It activates the reticular activating system right in the brain, and what we focus on expands. So I love that you said that it's like, let's focus on that because that will expand and you'll start to see that everywhere.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:56:29]:
Yeah, I love that. And I think it's so important, as you were saying, as well, building the muscle. Right. With the vision. So the more you say yes to taking steps towards your vision, because the bad and the negative is always there, no matter what, going away. But either you focus on that and that expands, or you're like, no, I choose. Right. It's a choice to look at the vision and, okay, this didn't work, but that was part of the step.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:56:51]:
And then I'm going to focus on the next one and keep going as well. Yes.

Emilio Palafox [00:56:57]:
You know, like, you know if this room was dark, if you're focusing on expanding your light within you. Right? Like, how do you defeat darkness? Right? Like, well, you can do it a lot of way. I can fight and combat against it, or I could just turn on the light switch and then there's no more darkness.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:57:11]:

Emilio Palafox [00:57:12]:
Right. Like, I think the more that we allow ourselves to shine bright, we allow others to do the same, and I think it's focused on that. Right. I think being the light, being the love, really has an energetic ripple effect that is unseen to the eye.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:57:28]:
And before we wrap up, I know we're getting really tight on time. I just. I always want to say that on our journey, to even find each other and to create the relationship that we have now. And, you know, why we're so passionate about relationship renegades and putting this into the world is because we had to go on our own hero's journey. And there were so many times, both of us have wild stories of several different very unhealthy, toxic relationships. And several different times in those chapters where we felt extremely defeated and depressed and confused and doubted if it was even possible, I had so many stories from. From people that I loved and loved me that was telling me that I was being too picky or that I. There's something wrong with me.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:58:14]:
And there was a lot. A big part of me that started to wonder if that was true and a lot of crying myself to sleep and feeling super discouraged. But then in those moments, being like, okay, just going back to the basics of, like, do I believe this is possible? Has it happened for other people? Yes. And I had one. Or I think we only need, like, one or two, even role models. And I think that's why we're so passionate about telling these stories. And creating relationship writing is to create a platform that showcases that it is possible. If you keep believing that it's possible and it's going to look different for everybody.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:58:51]:
Everybody's journey is so different, but it doesn't mean that you can't create what you feel so called to create in your life on any level. And so, you know, but I had one or two relationships in my life that I felt were just like, these really healthy, supportive, playful relationships. And even though I was experiencing the complete opposite because I had a lot of healing to do on my healing journey, my hero's journey, that I didn't know at the time that I needed to heal and stuff like that, that was creating all that toxicity. But I was like, I want that. I can see that it's possible. If they have it, if they can do it, I can do it. And I think it's just that I hope that this empowers people, that if you're watching this and you're in a time where you're like, man, well, that's not going to happen for me. And you guys are just lucky and whatever, man.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:59:39]:
It was like, yeah, most of my.

Emilio Palafox [00:59:41]:
Life, I've been on the other side.

Rachele Brook Smith [00:59:42]:
Yeah, we were the other people that were crying ourselves asleep and feeling super lonely and super defeated and discouraged and questioned if it was even possible, I think that questioning is good, but it's the reframe of it all that really changes things.

Claudia von Boeselager [00:59:59]:
So beautiful. And, I mean, really, thank you both for the work that you're doing in this, too, because I feel like more and more society is going towards isolation. So diffractional in terms of what actually cultivating a relationship is. It's not just like a WhatsApp message, a one liner. Like, how. How is that? And, you know, I tell my kids, even, like, the analogy that, like, back in the day, like, you used to write a letter to somebody and, like, say that you're going to come visit them for, like, five days or a week and actually spend time being present, having deep conversation. And, like, when is the last time we go out of our way to have that deep conversation? Unless, you know, we're at a level where we're really focusing on doing that to cultivate much deeper relationships as well. So, you know, this phone thing, this little block that we carry around with us the whole time, like, sometimes it's got to get it out of the way and actually be present face to face as well.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:00:52]:
So I really want to thank you guys for that work, too. And I would love to do a round two at some point because there's so much more that I have a big, long list of questions we didn't even get to. I'd love to touch on our project and just share with the world around Athena healthspan right and so, for those who might not have heard me mention it once before, where the idea came from is that where it's such a beautiful phase in the world, that there's all these advances in science and technology and wearable data, that we can really be stepping up into the highest version of ourselves, and also through our health as well, but because of the complexity of the data, using technology and AI to bring it all together as well. So with that concept of making it more accessible to more people, Athena Healthspan was formed. And through beauty of series of events, we've come together also on this platform. So I'd love to hear from you both what excites you most about Athena Healthspan and what we're doing.

Emilio Palafox [01:01:54]:
Oh, we got so many things. So many things. I'm gonna start.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:01:58]:

Rachele Brook Smith [01:01:58]:
Go for it.

Emilio Palafox [01:01:58]:
Yeah. You know, anything that we do, relationships are important to us, right? So the people that we're working with, and so, like you said, with a series of events and serendipitous moments and conversations and people that were coming together, sort of the avengers, if you will, to move humanity forward in a healthy way, physically, mentally, emotionally, and also the products and services and techs that we have, and really the quality ones, because there's a lot of things out there. There's information overload. What are the top of the lines that are really moving the needle? What are the ones that are really getting us results and coming together as a vendors to really help that out? So, first and foremost, I love the people that are part of this. Obviously, technology is a big thing. And being able to work with the right people that are advancing in the AI software solution to help these longevity clinics, especially because there's such a huge burnout rate statistic there, and we want to democratize health and longevity, being able to have people be a part of this and meet them where they're at. And I think if you can have a technology that is putting everything together on a dashboard, where the clinicians and the patients can see in real time whether it's through their wearables, the tests that they've done, the different products and services and techs that they're doing with the longevity clinics, just to be able to see and track your health and your health span, I think, is so important and to be working with the right people. So I think anytime that we have technology that can obviously summarize that in an efficient and effective way, for both parties to be able to communicate better together and to be able to see the results quicker, to be able to, you know, a lot of these clinicians, right, they're seeing so much data.

Emilio Palafox [01:03:47]:
There's different doctors talking to each other, and no one's in the same sandbox together. And I love that this is kind of like we're all in the same sandbox and in a 360 way, can kind of see everything at one point, both on the patient side and the clinician side. So when I saw this, it was an immediate yes, especially with the people and how this is just a perfect storm happening right now in the world where I think people need this more than ever.

Rachele Brook Smith [01:04:14]:
Yeah, 100%. And for me, it hit on some really big pain to purpose experiences in my life, because I, first of all, when we met you, I was like, sh. Game over. We have to create magic as. And. But secondly, you know, I grew up with a really bad gut health issue that nobody could figure out. And I, even my family's in medicine, and so they kind of saw how standard medicine couldn't help me. And I went to so many different specialists and doctors and tests and spent so much money and time and frustration and couldn't figure it out.

Rachele Brook Smith [01:04:51]:
And it wasn't until I finally, for the first time, got to work with a functional medicine doctor and then finally got to figure out some stuff that was going on within my system. But it was the first time when I was like, oh, wait, all my stuff is so, everything is so connected to everything. And, you know, your mental or your the brain health doctors. I'm talking to the gut health doctor and isn't talking to the nutritionist, that isn't talking to the fitness trainer, and yet, and so when we go to these different doctors, they only know one piece of us, but they're not understanding the other side that might be really affecting in this 360 way. So with Athena healthspan, being able to one help people in that way so much, so if someone is struggling with something and they can't seem to figure it out, and they're having to go to all these different places and specialists and stuff like that, this puts everything into one thing for them so that they can really understand what's going on in their system in a very holistic, 360 way. And that just got me so excited because I just feel for anyone out there. And even though technology has advanced so much and, you know, functional medicine is way more popular now, and it's a lot easier now than I think it was when I was going through my stuff, it still is very fragmented and still extremely confusing, and people don't know where to go, who to trust. And I really believe that with Athena, we can really change that.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:06:22]:

Emilio Palafox [01:06:22]:
Yeah. And I just wanted to add, too, because we just coming full circle to, you know, talking about the root cause of things and meeting people where they're at. There's an analogy that I love. You know, if your tree that you had at the house was dying, how would you, you know, help that tree to being revived again? How would you help it grow? And I love hearing people's responses to it. Right. And there's a. There's a lot of different pieces that they'll say, right? They'll say, well, maybe I'll change the quality of the water. Maybe I'll change the soil.

Emilio Palafox [01:06:57]:
You know, maybe. Maybe it needs more sun. Maybe needs less sun. Maybe. Maybe I need to trim, prune the leaves. Maybe I need to give it some tender, loving care. Right? Some love, right. Or maybe some photobiomodulation and some pulse electromagnetic field and whatever it is, right.

Emilio Palafox [01:07:11]:
To grow. But, you know, and what I'm about to say is not to discount western medicine, because I think western medicine plays a great role at certain times, right. If I have a broken leg, I'm not going to put essential oils on it. Let's say I'm going to go to the doctor and they're going to do some surgery on my leg. I'm going to be okay. But I think when we talk about prevention, when we think about proactive and going to the root cause of thing, not just working on the symptom, I think about it, can very much western medicine be like, and this may sound harsh, but like painting the leaves green, you know, where it's like, you know, have a tree, it's like, oh, it's dying. It's turning brown. It's like, let's just paint the leaves green.

Emilio Palafox [01:07:48]:
It looks great. Look at it. It's great, right? Symptoms, brown, green. And it's sad, right? And I think the beautiful part is that we can change the environment of that plant, of the human. And there are great products, services, technologies, mindsets, technologies that can place an individual in the right environment so that at the root cause, whatever needed to be healed got healed. Because, you know, our bodies are healing and regeneration factories, but it needs the energy at the cellular level. It needs certain things that Athena and, you know, being on the partnership side of things, right. And biohacking for 15 plus years, I love that I've been able to see a lot of different things that really move the needle.

Emilio Palafox [01:08:35]:
So when we're working with, you know, clinicians and longevity clinics, making sure that all of these are dialed in to really move the human forward, really grow the plant, if you will. That is us in this analogy. And so I'm just super excited because the time is now, the wave is here, and it's great to do something with great people.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:08:58]:
Yeah, no, absolutely amazing. And I really feel as well, we've discussed this. But just to share with the wider audience that everyone should know that it's not inevitable to go down that disease and elderly and even the loneliness aspect, too. Like, there are things we can proactively do before it's too late. So more play, more fun, more connection from all the beautiful teachings you guys shared as well, and proactive things around our health so that it's not just to be healthy. To be healthy. Right. It's more, what does it enable you to do? What does it allow you to do to have deeper, more meaningful connections because you're more active, you're out, you're more meeting with friends, you're going for the hike like you were sharing, and, and you're doing different things, too.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:09:44]:
And just like, what's that quality of life versus the one that's declining and decreasing and you're spending all your time talking about doctor's visits and hip is hurting and all the rest of it, too. Like, let's be in that creation space, right? Versus the whole contraction and things going downhill. So we're super, super excited and such an honor to have you both as, as part of this journey as well with Athena. We're so excited to do it together. And as we finish up today, for listeners interested in understanding more about your work with relationship renegades and biohacks and around it as well, what online resources, where would you send them to?

Rachele Brook Smith [01:10:24]:
I think the best place where it has kind of all links to all our links and content and everything like that is just on Instagram at relationship. Brendan Gates.

Emilio Palafox [01:10:33]:
Yeah. All the stuff that we do in a traditional way, whether it's the coaching, the speaking, the events, retreats, online programs, is there. But also this coming soon of the creative model where we're really putting out a lot of conscious media, like a tv show coming up to really teach these powerful principles in a powerful way, but also putting together a lot of these longevity products within that tv show to help really bring those things to life because we need it all. And I do want to say something just because it's important. When you said loneliness, going back to that study full circle, like PBS did a recent survey where, and it was a couple years ago, so it's actually been even more now. And I'm forgetting the most recent one. But PBS a couple years ago did a thing on loneliness, and it was 60% of the United States has said that they're extremely lonely. And 18 years and younger, it was 80% felt that they were lonely.

Emilio Palafox [01:11:26]:
And the study that did a lot, of course, in depth analysis, they really talk about how loneliness kills, that it's as powerful as smoking or alcoholism, and they go into great detail. We don't have time to cover all that right now, but how loneliness, like, when you're feeling like, oh, it's just another damn, loneliness will be okay. No, it's a serious thing. We need to. We need each other. We're stronger together. We're all walking each other home. And I think, like, let's practice the connection fitness that Rachel talked about, because loneliness is an epidemic now, and I know that, and I'm glad that you just brought it up.

Emilio Palafox [01:11:56]:
Like, it's not just about all the things that we talked about in Athena, but it's also, like, this community and this connection that is. That is there for people. And we hope that you'll join the tribe. Right. So, yeah, yeah.

Rachele Brook Smith [01:12:09]:
That it triggers more so that when you, when you feel that way, just if you were to feel a little sick, you would like, oh, I need to up my vitamin C or whatever that looks like when you feel lonely, that it triggers a behavior shift in you of, like, okay, I'm feeling lonely. Rather than just, like, sitting in this for, you know, maybe too long. I. What can I do? You know, what's your, what's your thing? You're going to decide ahead of time that when you feel that way, that you're going to do, are you going to call a friend? Are you going to go to a.

Emilio Palafox [01:12:35]:
An event?

Rachele Brook Smith [01:12:35]:
Are you going to go to a workshop? Are you going to, I don't know, talk to a stranger? Yeah, volunteer, like, do something, which. It is really hard in those spaces. I've been there, and it's hard to just take that step of action but jump in the cold plunge, you know, just get in there.

Emilio Palafox [01:12:50]:
1% better. 1% better every day. Beautiful.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:12:53]:
Oh, thank you so much. So do you have any final ask or recommendation or any parting thoughts or message for my audience today? I'd love to hear from both of you.

Rachele Brook Smith [01:13:04]:
Yeah, I mean, I would love. We rarely do this, but I just feel inspired to share it, that if anybody is like, hey, you know, I really am struggling right now, and I just want to. I need help that you can just email Or you can find that email on our instagram as well. And just email us breakthrough. And we'll do, we'll send you an application for just like a free, like free, no strings attached, no, like B's. Just 30 minutes session with us, or we'll just dive deep and see how we can powerfully serve you. So again, just email us breakthrough, and we'll send you the link to get a 30 minutes free session with us.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:13:46]:
That's most kind and generous.

Rachele Brook Smith [01:13:48]:
100%. And honestly, a lot of people, we've done this on one other podcast, and I think it's a scary thing to ask for help. But I do know that when we're offering it, we're offering it, and we're here to just help and serve because we've been there. We know what that feels like, and we really just do want to do anything we can to help someone feel more safe, seen, heard, and loved in their life.

Emilio Palafox [01:14:12]:
That's beautiful.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:14:13]:
And just to make a point to that, as a recovering perfectionist, where I really struggle to ask for help, and I'm trying to learn how to do this more. Like, it's okay to ask for help. We don't have to be perfect. So, yeah, that's a generous offer that you've made.

Emilio Palafox [01:14:28]:
I love that. Yeah. And I think also, too, along with that, it's like we're people want to help. We people really want to help. Right? And I think when we say no or don't ask, like, it's. It's almost like blocking a blessing not only for yourself, but for them, too. Like, it feels good to help people. And I think, like, it's a beautiful, energetic exchange.

Emilio Palafox [01:14:45]:
They're not like, a one sided, like, oh, it's just. He's just helping me. It's like, no, it's this beautiful exchange. One final thought that's coming to my mind. You know, I guess I'll just speak to the men out there because there's a lot of men that are extremely lonely that kind of live. Like, I've done men's work and shadow work for about 15 plus years, and there's just a lot of men who don't speak and don't share their feelings, right. And don't are not courageous enough yet to take the hero's journey to find out what hasn't been healed yet. So in addition to asking for, I would say, yeah, I think, you know, try to find, you know, like a.

Emilio Palafox [01:15:23]:
A local men's group or something that, you know, there's so many different types out there that will hold space for you to shed all the things that no longer serve you. If you're in Utah, I have a men's podcast and men's group that we're helping. A lot of men move forward with that. But I think with men, they're going through a lot of things, and if they're not, if you all are not complete, it's hard to show up in relationships. And I think it is a give and receive. Sometimes by helping someone, you can help yourself. But also there's a flip where you need to help yourself first. And I think in relationships for men, I think sometimes the best thing to do as a final thought is just to like your partner.

Emilio Palafox [01:16:04]:
Your wife is this beautiful, divine, feminine energy, just like the ocean. It can be very chaotic at times, but in a beautiful way. And if we see and have the perception to see it, that it is a beautiful ocean, wild and free. And no matter what's happening on a day to day basis with your wife as men, I think the biggest thing that we can do is just to be there as a rock and to breathe and weather the storm, if you will. In a funny analogy, right? Because if Rachel is going through a lot and she's crying and screaming or doing all this kind of stuff, rather than trying to fix it and say, hey, what's wrong? I need to fix something, there's nothing to fix other than just to hold space and give her a hug and hold her and just nothing. Don't say anything. Just breathe. Maybe say I love you, but it's just being there.

Emilio Palafox [01:16:52]:
And I think, you know, men's groups and things that I mentioned help to just be a rock and to hold space because there's obviously feelings and emotions that will arise within you when there's a crazy storm happening in the ocean. But I think the biggest thing that men can do for their partners and significant others is just to be there as a rock to breathe with them. You can say it's going to be all right, you know I love you, but do nothing else. Don't say anything just to, like, be there in love and to be the love for your partner. I think that's going to go a long way for yourself and your significant other. Beautiful.

Claudia von Boeselager [01:17:28]:
Beautifully said as well. You guys are rock stars. Thank you so much for taking the time to coming on today. And thank you, everyone, for listening as well. Thank you so much. This has been so beautiful and so insightful. Appreciate it.

Rachele Brook Smith [01:17:41]:
Thank you so much for having us.

I’m Claudia von Boeselager

Longevity Coach, detail-loving educator, big-thinking entrepreneur, podcaster, mama, passionate adventurer, and health optimization activist here to help people transform their lives, and reach their highest potential! All rolled into one.

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